nothing much happening in my life.

just suddenly feeling emo, and realised that i really treasure friendships.

i was reminded by someone today, that some people that you think are your friends, may not treat you the same way as you treat them.

reading jas' post on my tagboard, makes me want to find a place,

a place where i can laugh crazily, play and scream as much as i can,

and not have to care about how people look at me.

because, tkd used to be that place for me, until.. ___.

but that place has to be away from my family. cause i dont want them to know how i've been feeling, and then keep asking me how i feel.

i miss the days i spent with my friends in shang hai, cause when we're there, i can just be a crazy person, singing loudly in the bus, with people to join me, and sing and dance to music blasting from my phone, while queuing for the night river ride.

im those type to bottle my feelings up, and not tell anyone about it, cause my friends are mostly the listen to them type, and i dont like to let others worry about me, or my troubles.

i am failing my jc1 progress report, and i just put on a mask, and let others think that i dont really care about my results, but actually, i care. A LOT.

but the problem is i dont know how to save myself, my results are omgosh, and i need help.

but when i ask for them from my friends, they are like, okayy. when i'm free.

in the end, i've to rely on myself to catch up on things.

its lucky that i can understand stuff after reading them multiple times, and then through practising, but its just very hard for me to be able to sit down and study.

i miss the days in secondary school, throughout my 4 years, i've met lots of people who impacted me, changed me, and allowed me to go crazy with them.

my friends have never seen the emotional side of me.

mostly, they see the crazy, hyper girl that seems to be on drugs, cause early in the morning, i can be very high, and very noisy.. my friends complain that im very loud, so i try to control, but sometimes, its hard, you know.

i dont want my frineds to be sad, so i'll always be there for them.

but when i need someone, where are they?

im afraid, afraid of the day, when im in trouble, but there's none of my friends to come and save me. i dont want to be the extra one in my friends' life. if im the extra, i'd rather not be their friend at all, and not stay part of their lives.

i only have one person that im sure i can trust,no matter what, and she will always be there. but its not easy to meet her. we live at close to different ends of the island, and i can only meet her during the holidays.

my friends that i met in sec sch, are also people that i can trust, but at times, they're just not there when i need them.

im just not myself here at a jc. but im sure that i will not be the same me in wwss, when im in a poly. but i cant turn back time.

i just hope that as time goes by, i will mature, and stop wishing to go back to the past, but instead, think back, and treasure the times that i've had with people from wwss.